Stop Saying “I’ll Pray for You”

The words felt awkward and insincere coming out of my mouth.

“I’ll be praying for you,” I said, handing over her smashed license plate.

It was about 45 minutes later than I had expected to be at the intersection of Wards and Harvard.

The girl had stumbled out of her crumpled car with panic in her eyes. She had fallen onto the side of the road, head in her hands. I was tapping my foot in the car behind her, unable to see why she had stopped so suddenly.

After some consoling, a few phone calls, and a couple awkward hugs, my friend and I drove away. She was thankful we stopped and she teared up when we offered to pray for her.

But my meager offer of prayers felt uncomfortably forced out of my mouth.

And I could have written a blog post about how loving people will always be awkward and messy and you do it anyway.

But when I honestly asked myself why the sound of my supposedly comforting words sounded so insincere, I realized it was because they were.

I was interested in being the sweet Christian girl that stops at the car accident, hugs the driver, and with hand draped over heart, promises to pray for her. I wasn’t interested in truly loving anyone.

I needed to love that girl, not play the part of “kind passerby.” I needed to stop my car and help – not out of obligation or to snag a little feel-good moment, but out of a genuine desire to love vulnerable and broken people.

I realized “I’ll pray for you” has become like “Bless you” or “How are you?” – it’s lost all meaning.

Instead of building a relationship with this girl, it actually worked like a barrier – the insincerity was palpable. Instead of a gesture growing out of love, it operated like flashing lights announcing my disingenuous religion.

If we really believe that prayers change things, saying “I’ll pray for you” accomplishes nothing unless you actually do it. It becomes an empty religious platitude that does more to distance than it does to unify. If we want to build genuine relationships with people, we have to stop going through the motions and saying the right phrases. It might just be one instance, but they build up until all your interactions with people are built on Christianese and forced smiles.

I’m talking to myself here.

Sometimes I let my identity get so wrapped up in my “good Christian girl” exterior that I forget how broken and depraved my heart really is without Jesus.

I forget how little I have to offer and I start thinking my best “good Christian” performance is all people really need.

I get so filled to the brim with constant violence and destruction I forget to let my heart break for the people right around me.

So I started praying for that girl today. I started praying for her broken car, her rattled spirit, and her financial situation. I prayed that she would come to know Him more through the difficulty of her situation. I prayed that my heart would be broken for people – the starving, the spiritually lost, and the ones stuck on the side of the road with a broken car.

But for my heart to be truly broken, I need to stop mediating my relationships with empty words and meaningless phrases.

So stop saying “I’ll pray for you.” Unless you’re actually going to do it.